Someone is Reading This?

Why does my mother keep buying all this food??? At least she’s not ever here to see me throw it away.. (flight attendant). 

I wish I had never met him. He has destroyed any shred of self-esteem that I had left. He has broken me and the worst thing is that he knows it, and doesn’t give a shit. We were “together” for over a year and all I meant to him was a facebook message. I wasn’t even worth his time to end things with me properly. But what did I expect? He admitted that he was only using me the entire time. I was just an easy target to manipulate. I am nothing. I should have known better than to believe anyone when they told me they loved me. Because that’s impossible. I’m so stupid. 

Fasting today. Actually took my mind off of the situation for a little while for the first time since it happened, 3 weeks ago. But now the thoughts are back and I want to eat my feelings. Fuck my life. 

I haven’t been on tumblr in quite a while. I have some shit to rant about.

Last week, my boyfriend broke up with me… after a year… over facebook… Biggest coward/asshole I’ve ever met in my life? I think so. Not to mention, he told me that he’s just been manipulating me the entire time. Never really liked me, was just fucking with me. Faked an entire relationship for over a year. He said that he knew that I loved him, so it was easy for him to get whatever he wanted from me. Which I’m guessing was regular sex. Which is really fucked, considering I lost my virginity to him… I’m so fucking pissed right now. He completely used me. For over a year..

Then, on top of that, he kept trying to get my mother’s phone number so that he could tell her all about my fucking anorexia and cutting, etc.. WTF. And had the nerve to say that he ever cared about me. I regret the entire “relationship.”

Plus, I got my uniform for work (I’m lifeguarding) and the swimsuit bottoms are so fucking small. I have to lose wayyy more weight before I can wear them without shorts. Fuck my fucking life. 

I’m such a fucking idot.

Sorry for ranting. 

I haven’t been on tumblr in a while.

I’ve been binging hardcore lately. Right now I’m craving donuts… Whyy?!?? Hopefully I don’t end up giving in..